Sometimes the Journey Stinks!

My Mom, Anne Myers, playing jacks in the midst of her cancer battle.  I miss my Mom!

Nine years ago today, on Mother's Day, my Mother passed away after a valiant battle with cancer. After 9 years, I still have to stop myself from picking up the phone to ask her a question or tell her something. I'm 48 years old and, I'm not ashamed to say it, I miss my Mom!

Today, I'm getting all the details together for Walk a Mile in Their Shoes. Our church has held this event for the past 5 years to raise money for Relay for Life and Celebrate Life. The 1st walk was in memory of my mother. Organized, largely, by Debbie Lloyd. This year, we are walking in Debbie's memory. 

I'm sitting in front of the church watching the world go by. A big group of 1st & 2nd  graders just walked by on a Field Trip. Traffic is flowing (or not) as usual here between lights 7 & 8. Life goes on and the journey continues. Sometimes I just don't like the direction it's going!

I'm getting ready to sort shirts for an event being held in memory of one if my biggest cheerleaders. I'm wearing a "Team Jackie" shirt in honor of another great encourager who is in the midst of her own cancer battle. I just had a conversation with my boss/friend/mentor and had to see the hurt and loss in his eyes as he anticipates having to preach on the first Mother's Day without his precious wife and mother of his children. Moments like this leave me feeling sad & powerless. Sometimes the journey stinks! 

So here I am again. Putting it down in words. The very act of expressing my sadness is cathartic. Everything is not ok. Pain is real and we're surrounded by it. Today, especially today, I am thankful for my faith. While I'm sad or angry about the situations I see, I get comfort from knowing I'm loved and that God is in control. As I kneel at the cross, I'm thankful that God can bring me peace and comfort even at the most painful times. 

My Mom taught me that. 

Debbie taught me that. 

My own cancer battle taught me that. 

Sometimes the journey stinks. But, I guess if it was all easy, we'd be a pretty soft bunch of people.  Thank you God for my pain. Use it to make me stronger. Let my experiences, good and bad, be used to bring glory to You!

Thank God for Nature's Beauty in an Ugly World

*Note: I wrote this several weeks ago and decided it was too wordy.  However, I can't get the imagery out of my mind so I'll post it anyway.

Today I did something I haven't done in years.  Literally.  It's been a very conscious decision on my part to avoid it and I really didn't want to change that today.  But, I did. It was emotionally painful and definitely uncomfortable. Isn't it strange how often those things end up being learning experiences?

What did I dread so much? It will seem minor to most of you but, I can assure you that for my family and me, it wasn't.  I went to my Grandparents' place in Dutch Bottoms.

After my brother's family moved to Denver, Daddy & I worked to keep things in order. But it didn't take long for the scavenging segment of our society to figure out that it was unoccupied. First, they stripped all of the wire they could get to. Then they began to remove anything they might be able to sell, a little bit at a time.  I never went back after finding that someone had ripped up a section of the pine flooring in the living room.  I get angry, frustrated, and very sad when I see how little regard people have for the property and memories of others. My answer has been avoidance and denial.  Probably NOT the solution the average therapist or pastor would recommend!  I look the other way when I go to Morristown and pretend that it's not as sad as it is.

Anyway, today I got a call from a concerned neighbor saying that it looked like someone was at the house and it looked like they had tools with them.  My first inclination, honestly, was to ignore it.  They've done so much damage already that I couldn't imagine it was worth the effort to check on it.  But, I had a few minutes and it was a beautiful day so I went.  They were gone before I got there but I looked around since I was already there.  What I saw, in my opinion, was a testament to the brokenness of humanity.  The idea that you can go into a house that isn't yours and destroy things just for fun blows my mind!  I can honestly understand the theft of things of potential value more than generic vandalism.  As I stood there and seethed, I came to the realization that these actions are the epitome of the culture we live in.  They come from the need to be in control, to be noticed, to be important. I was angry, so I did what I've always done- headed for the woods.

I walked up the hollow to the pond. Amazed by the growth of the privet that has almost hidden the road and blessed by the sight of wildflowers beyond imagination.  The deeper I got into the woods, the calmer I got.  I lay on my stomach amongst the flowers to frame a picture and looked up at the incredibly blue sky.  As I took a deep breath, I revelled in the glory of creation and the knowledge that I am loved by the Creator.

Then it happened.  That blow to my "righteous indignation" that brought me back to my knees in acknowledgement of my humility.  I remembered that I have been that thoughtless person who angers me so much on more than one occasion in my life! When I was about 9, they poured curbs along my street in preparation for paving our street.  In typical 9-year-old fashion, I wanted to make my mark on the project.  I did handprints, then footprints, then.... I ran through the curing concrete for about 30 feet!  The workmen came back in the morning and thought, at first glance, a dog had gotten in the concrete. Then they saw the other handprints and footprints.  Needless to say, my parents had a long talk with me about using the brain God gave me and respecting the property of others.  I'd like to pretend that was a major turning point for me but I visited my own collection of abandoned farmhouses across rural Missouri and I'm sure things were broken for the sake of breaking them on almost every occasion.  I can assure you, I didn't give a passing thought to the emotional pain that could cause family members who came back later!  I WAS that "sorry specimen" of a human that destroyed other people's things!

By the time I made it out of the woods and back to the house, I was thanking God for opening my eyes and softening my heart.  I was praying for those whose insecurities led them to vandalize our homeplace and got into my car reminded of how truly blessed I am to have a family tradition of which to be proud!

The Myers homeplace in Cade's Cove is recognizable only by the lay of the land and the daffodils in the spring.  It may be easier when that it true of the Farmer place.  Long after the remnants of man-made structures have disappeared, God's beauty continues to manifest itself.  Thanks be to God for the reminder!

The Saturday Blues

It's Saturday.  The Sabbath.  The followers of Christ sit stunned, disheartened, broken, and even- in the case of Peter- full of self-loathing.  The man they've invested their lives in lies in a grave.
"How did this happen?"
"Were we foolish to believe in him?"
"But we saw him do amazing things!"
"He healed!"
"He turned away the Pharisees!"
"He raised Lazarus from the grave!"
"Why did God allow this to happen?"
"How could the world win?"
"Surely he was the Messiah!"
"But now he's dead. Our hope is dead!"

As I sit here on this overcast Saturday, I think of the emotions the disciples must have been feeling.  They had to have felt defeated. Robbed of the very hope they'd given their very livelihoods to follow. Perhaps they watched the new day dawn in hopes that the events of Friday were just a nightmare.  Jesus would walk into the room at any minute and tell them again how much they were loved. "Please, God, let it be a nightmare!"

I can relate to this on a small scale because there have been days in my life when I truly felt that things couldn't be happening the way they were.  When my Grandmother died, I yelled at God: "How could You let this happen? For one of the first times in my life, I listened to Your call.  I walked away from the Air Force to help here.  For what?! So I could sit and see the pain in Granddaddy's eyes?"  When I watched my Mother battled the cancer that had metastasized into her brain and spinal column, I was often bitter and cried out regularly, "Why her?  Why a woman who's devoted herself to You and others my whole life?!  How is this fair? It makes no sense!" When I heard my diagnosis of Stage 4 head and neck cancer I was floored. This time I was more worried about Lisa and her fears than my own. Again it was, "Why? How is this fair?"  Finally I've watched more friends than I care to think of battle disease and illness.  Debbie Lloyd's battle with breast cancer was deeply personal to me as I watched how it affected Rich and the kids. When I recently heard of Jackie Depew's recurrence, I was angry to the point of being speechless.

Every day we can look around us and see pain, injustice, selfishness, self-destructive behavior, and illness.  It is easy to think, "The world has won!" or, "There is no hope for humanity."  We find ourselves in that Saturday funk.

But, the story doesn't end there. The tomb doesn't stay sealed. Jesus doesn't stay in the grave. The world most certainly doesn't win! Hope is here and we must grab hold of it. My Granddaddy, with that pain in his eyes, looked at me and said, "We may hurt today, but I believe God will give us the strength to face tomorrow. I KNOW I'll see your Grandmother again!" My Mother looked me in the eye and said, "Remember what Job said, 'the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.' God is in control and we must always be ready to praise His Name." I turned the radio on when Lisa and I sat in the car following my diagnosis, "Praise You in the Storm" by Casting Crowns came on.  Mother's words hit me again and we turned it over to Him. Debbie told me on several occasions that she fell back onto the words of "Great is Thy Faithfulness" as she battled.  She also embraced, "Lord, I Need You" in the FUEL services as a confession. Lamentations 3: 22-23 says, "It is of the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."

It's Saturday. The sky is cloudy. The world seems to be winning. But I DO have hope. Tomorrow morning, as the sun rises, I'll be standing in Union Cemetery praising God because I know that death has been defeated! I know that suffering is temporary!  I know that when I am broken and don't know where to turn, God is there to pick up the pieces and hold me together!  Great is Thy faithfulness! 

The Lord is risen! He is Risen, indeed!

Father God, I revel in the majesty of Your grace!  I fall on my face in awe of the love you've shown me and the strength You continue to give me.  I lift up to You this broken world in which we live.  Shower Your grace on those who need to feel Your presence so greatly.  I lift up those who battle illness, those who have lost loved ones, those whose life situations seem completely out of control. Father, let them feel Your presence and let those of us who bear Your name take up the cross and carry the truth of Your love into our communities.  Use us for Your glory! In Jesus Name, Amen!

Infinitely More

Here I go again.  A couple of times a year, I open this blog and type a little. I find myself having random thoughts and spilling them out on Facebook or Twitter but, more often than not, my inability to be succinct makes those outlets less than ideal.

Sometimes things just jump out at me when I'm reading the Bible. I'm always amazed when a passage I know well suddenly says something new to me. 

Yesterday, I was reading through Ephesians 3 and came to the closing verses when the words "within us" leaped out at me. I have actually used this passage to highlight the fact that God's vision for us is often "infinitely more" than we can imagine. I've stressed the fact that His power is able to overcome any obstacle. As I read this passage yesterday, I was blown away to be reminded that the "mighty power" to accomplish things beyond our imaginations is "at work within us."  WE are the tools God will use to accomplish these great things. 

I know that this isn't a new concept. I'm sure I've probably sat in church and heard this exact message shared from a pulpit. However, as I have thought about it for the past 24 hours, I've been convicted that, all too often, I say, "God, I know You're able to do more than I can imagine. Amaze me!  Fix this! Move now!," without any expectation that I have a role in the answer to that prayer. 

As I continue this Lenten journey of self-examination, I pray that I will be more aware of my role in God's plan to accomplish great things- things above and beyond my petitions and dreams! Glory to God! You are able! Use me to accomplish infinitely more!

Unspeakable Joy

Today, I'm sitting down working my way through this week's to-do list:  The inspector for the State 3-Star program left Early Education a couple of hours ago. Check- all went well. I've updated the church website for the week. Check. I'm laying out my sermon(s) for Sunday morning. Check(ish).  I'm making my list of supplies needed to get the stream of our new service up for Sunday. I'm getting the sound system set up for special music. I'm submitting photos to be printed.  I'm figuring out how we're going to watch a dancer at the street festival, a sousaphoner at a band contest, and still be sure everything is in place for Sunday by the end of the day Saturday. I'm....... busy. Sometimes, too busy.

But-
I'm blessed. I'm excited. I'm fully prepared to keep paddling for all it's worth! Why? Because I am convinced that every one of these things is important and that God will be glorified if I give them my best.  I will freely admit that there have been times, many times, when the to-do list has dragged me down into a place of frustration & exhaustion. That isn't healthy and it leads to a very ineffective Christian walk.  I have to monitor myself and lay out designated quiet time to battle the overload. I need to refuel.

This brings me to the title of this post.  As we have made a transition into the land of two services at First Baptist Newport, I am filled with an unspeakable joy that can only come from God.  I am overjoyed that our church family recognized a true need in our congregation and community & addressed it.  I am overjoyed as I watch musicians and singers spend hours preparing to lead worship late at night after they've finished working all day and often after they've put their children to bed.  I'm overjoyed when I realize that I have no idea what anyone else in the FUEL service was doing as we led worship because I was so completely caught up in the worship myself. I'm overjoyed that we are able to provide quality worship experiences that meet the needs of a diverse group of people.

FUEL is based on Proverbs 26:20: Where there is no fuel, a fire goes out.  My time in the Word as I prepare to teach and my time in worship as we practice and lead is truly fuel for the fire of my life in Christ. Tasks won't overwhelm me when I know that the results of my labor may bring others to a saving knowledge of, or a closer walk with my Savior.

Thank you, God, for the opportunity to be in Your presence!  Thank you for strength, hope, and JOY, that come from time spent with You. Use me as You will for Your glory!  Keep my fire burning bright for You!

Where Is the Light?

"Arise, shine, for your light has come,
and the glory of the Lord rises upon you. See, darkness covers the earth
and thick darkness is over the peoples,
but the Lord rises upon you
and his glory appears over you. Nations will come to your light,
and kings to the brightness of your dawn."
Isaiah 60:1-3

In a time of confusion & mourning, we may feel that evil is winning & the darkness is too much. Let's remember what this prophesy means to us- it's why we celebrate this season- the Light HAS come! Darkness has been defeated. But... It is our job as believers, Christ followers, to listen to the the words of Christ in the sermon on the mount as he tells us WE are the light of the world & we should not hide what we have. We MUST carry the light of love & grace into the darkness. We MUST shine a light on evil & drive it out. We must never allow our insecurities to prevent us from speaking the truth & sharing Christ's love.

I keep seeing sound-bite sized answers to a situation that is incomprehensible. I get wound up when I see posts about God not being allowed in schools & tend to get on a soapbox so I try to hold my tongue. Having said that, I need to say this- God cannot be bound by any man made obstacle. As believers who have given their lives to God and are filled with the Holy Spirit, we carry God with us wherever we go. There can be no compartmentalization that only allows Him to be present in "appropriate" settings. If we are failing to teach this in our churches and households, we are failing to teach the complete Gospel. We ARE the light of the world. Jesus himself told us so. We are to carry that light in all settings and all situations.

I know that there is prayer in schools because every day as I drop off my wife, Lisa, & niece, Sarah, I say a prayer for them and all the other students in teachers in that school. I see countless Godly teachers & administrators who, I know, pray for their students daily. God is most certainly present in that school & in the lives of many of its students & faculty.

Toe-stepping time (mine included): I have come to believe that many of the social ills we face are a direct result of Christians deciding it would be easier to let others do the work we are called to do. We have been complicit in the expansion of government into the care of those in need, our senior citizens, and many other areas that the church should be taking the lead. We have eased our guilt by trying to legislate morality-while not not effectively modeling it or communicating WHY following God yields preferable results and doing things like adding, "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance & thinking we've done our duty. We have become a people who are quick to grab hold of the rewards of grace for ourselves while neglecting to "go and tell" or care for the widows and orphans as we are called to do.

The decision to follow Christ is a personal one. Once we have been "born again" we cannot continue to keep one foot planted firmly in the world. We have become a new creation that WILL reflect God's glory. Each of us is an integral part of the body of Christ and until all of us are fulfilling our roles the Gospel cannot be spread effectively.

During this season as we celebrate the arrival of the "Light" into a world shrouded in darkness, let's remember that no matter how dark things seem, evil can be- no, not can be, has been- overcome. Let's be the light of the world and carry that light into the darkest corners. Let's show the power of love and grace through the lives we live and the compassion we show.

Father God, we pray that Your mercy and grace will be revealed fully to all of those so deeply affected by the tragedy in Connecticut. We pray that each of us will open our hearts and be used by you to carry the light into the world around us. Don't let any of be content to let someone else carry the light or spread Your Word. Use us for Your glory! Amen

Eat More....Crow

This post will upset some of my friends.  Just going ahead and putting that out there.

Today, millions of Americans are packing their local Chic-fil-a restaurants to show their support for free speech. Well maybe not.  Today millions of Americans are packing their local Chic-fil-a restaurants to support the right of a Christian businessman to express his beliefs and, gasp, actually use profits from his business to support causes he believes in.  More accurate, maybe. But from the majority of posts on Facebook I've read today. The heart of the matter is that millions of people are at Chic-fil-a today to prove how amazingly Christian they are.  The number of, "No Chicken for you!" comments aimed at "liberals" and "gays" have vastly outnumbered the posts espousing any Christian ideals or even championing free-speech. I have been pleased to see a few posts wishing we were this fervent about sharing the gospel & meeting the needs of others in our community. But these have definitely been the minority. This breaks my heart.

I've struggled with this from the get-go.  Dan Cathy was asked a loaded question in order to elicit a response that could be used to generate outrage.  This is reality. It is not a surprise that he answered the way he did.  Chic-fil-a has operated as a family-owned business that has been consistently run according to the Christian principles the Cathy family believes in.  They have operated on a standard that most business leaders would say was ridiculous.  A restaurant with a huge food court presence, closed on Sunday? The biggest eating-out day of the week? Never make it.  Yet, here they are.  They have been consistent from day one.  Consistent quality, consistent principles, and consistent customer service. Ever been to a Chic-fil-a where all the workers seemed angry & really wished you weren't there? If you have, it probably didn't happen again.  A positive, sometimes almost Disney-level over-the-top, customer experience is one of the hallmarks of Chic-fil-a.   Chic-fil-a is consistent.  Like them or not, they're consistent.

Now, before you think I'm being paid to wax eloquent about fast food chicken, I want to get more to the point.  This entire episode is a result of people's desire to feel outraged and victimized. This is where I get in trouble with ALL my friends. The activists who chose to equate one man's statements of his religious convictions as "hate speech" were looking to be victims.  We have come to a place in our society where it is no longer acceptable to "respectfully disagree." We have to be outraged that someone would dare disagree with us.

To my friends in the gay community:
 If it bothers you to eat at a restaurant that is owned by someone who believes differently than you do & uses its profits to support causes of like-minded individuals, don't eat there. Don't freak out. Dan Cathy did not say, ( insert best southern drawl here)  "We won't serve "that kind" in here." In fact, as far as I've seen that's never even been an accusation here. Don't financially support him. However, the idea that we would ban a business from our community because of the beliefs of the leader is an
amazing idea in the land of protected speech and "free exercise" of religion. If his beliefs are outrageous and enough people disagree with their pocketbooks, banning won't be necessary. The business won't survive. I fully support your right to make your own decisions and I hope you respect me enough to let me make mine. I love you and want nothing more than the very best for you.

To my friends in the Christian community:
I'm glad you feel the need to support a brother. However, we are buying into this victim mindset as well.  "Everyone's out to get us!" "We can't let them get away with this." etc.  There is no doubt that the days of daily Bible readings over the loudspeaker at school and public institutional Christianity are in the past.  The "freedom from religion" movement has been steadily gaining ground. Why?  because most Christians operate from a group mentality and expect a few people to protect them and speak for them. Unfortunately, we've had some pretty flawed mouthpieces. Remember that word I used to describe the Cathy's and their restaurants? We haven't had it. We aren't consistent. We jump on, we jump off.  We compromise when it's expedient and dig in when compromise could yield fruit. We are flawed. There, I said it. We are flawed. We are in desperate need of help. Perhaps it's time we truly humbled ourselves and prayed for God's wisdom and vision for our lives.

 I am flawed. I cannot do this on my own because I'm stupid, short-sighted and selfish. I need to admit this because, if I won't, how will the world understand my need for a Savior?  If I can't confess my shortcomings, how can someone else experiencing the same pain from their mistakes know that they can turn to me for understanding and comfort?  When you're in the midst of a really messy life, do you turn to the June Cleaver's (reality check- no one's perfect and the pearls are probably fake) of the world for advice or to someone you know has faced the same struggles and made it?

I am a Christian.  I believe in God.  Some of you will struggle with that.  Others will applaud it.  I don't say it because I want you to identify with me or because I want to alienate you.  I say it, because it is who I am.  I am a disaster of a human being who has made more mistakes than I could ever make up for.  I am completely undeserving of love because of my selfishness.  Yet, God loved me enough to provide a way into His very presence.  He provided me grace, undeserved love and pardon from deserved punishment, through His son.  My non-Christian friends may not understand this - I find myself using Christian-ese even when I'm trying not to.  I would be happy to explain it all to you and answer any questions you may have.  You need to know my story before you can fully know me. However, I hope that you can at least see the result of this in my life: Because I have been raised up from a place of pain & brokenness, I see the world through different eyes.  I can't walk blindly by someone in pain and never feel a thing.  I can't see injustice and not speak out.  I can't see people seeking fulfillment with things that will only destroy them without, at least, showing them the same love I've been given and trying to pull them free. I still fail sometimes and selfishness creeps in, but conviction brings me back to my senses and I turn back to my source of peace for guidance.

When Jesus was asked about the greatest commandment, He said we were to love the Lord our God with all our hearts souls, minds and strength.  Then he added, the second most important is like this one, love your neighbor as much as you love yourself.  The people listening asked, "Who is my neighbor?"  Jesus proceeded to tell the the story of the Samaritan man who came to the aid of the man who had been attacked by highwaymen. The religious leaders of the day walked right by and pretended to not see what had happened.  The "unclean," reviled man met his needs and saw to it that he was cared for.  My "neighbor" is everyone I pass on any given day.  I'm not allowed to choose which nationality, religion, sexual persuasion, or socioeconomic group my neighbors come from. I don't get to pick and choose who I love based on convenience. I am called to love them and be there when they have needs.  I will do that or I won't be doing the will of God.  Non-Christian friends- In all likelihood, in helping you, I will point you to the source of peace I have found in my life.  As I said, it's who I am.  What you do with that information is for you, and you alone, to decide.  I will pray for you.  If you allow it, I will pray with you.  My praying for you doesn't mean I think I'm better than you, it means I love you and need power beyond my own to help you find peace. Did I say it's who I am?

So, how does this all tie in to Chic-fil-a day?  I am asking all of my friends: Christians, non-Christans, straight, gay, black, white, brown and any combination thereof to take a moment and... relax.  To quote the Hitchhiker's Guide, "Don't panic!"  Everyone is not out to get you.  Take a deep breath and think about this.  If we put half as much energy into meeting the needs of those in our communities as we have into being outraged by "the other side," we would live in a much better place.  I'm not saying roll over and allow injustice to happen. I just think if we humbled ourselves, just a little, we'd be able to see where the roots of our "outrage" lie.  Some Christians have, indeed, treated those of any other belief system in ways that can only be described as hateful.  However, we all can't be painted with the same brush.  Some gay rights activists have gone to extremes to find "hate" where it doesn't really exist.  However, every day we work side by side with individuals who understand that while our beliefs are different, we are still human beings who deserve respect and love and don't seek to divide.  In other words- don't let anyone else speak for you, exist for you, or think for you.  You, and only you, are responsible for your actions and thoughts.  If every person who went to buy chicken today to proudly wear the label, "Christian" went through the other 364 days of the year humbly living the life of an individual bent on loving God with all they were and those around them as much as they loved themselves, I don't think there would ever be a chance of us being labeled, "haters." If everyone acknowledged that we are a diverse nation made up of many different groups who ALL have a right to exist and exercise their beliefs under the constitution, we wouldn't spend so much time feeling victimized.

Because of who I am, I have to close this post by simply sharing the reality in my life that keeps me going in all circumstances.  I am loved.  In spite of my shortcomings, I am loved. In all of life's circumstances, I am loved.  Even when the questions seem to outnumber the answers, I am loved.  And, because I am loved, I, too, must love. In spite of shortcomings, in all circumstances, even when it doesn't make sense to me, I must love my neighbor and point him to the source of my hope: the God who loves even me.